


Always On My Mind

by jadehqknb



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Back Together, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 07:35:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17977076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadehqknb/pseuds/jadehqknb
Summary: Sometimes the temptation is too great, and we do the thing we know we shouldn't. Kuroo does the thing and maybe it's not such a bad idea after all.





	Always On My Mind

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BGee93](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BGee93/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Who Am I To Stand In Your Way.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15753549) by [BGee93](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BGee93/pseuds/BGee93). 



> Bee's piece broke my heart right open and so of course my brain immediately screamed at me to make them happy. I hope you like it Bee! Thanks to @itsairybro for doing Beta on it for me!

He shouldn’t be here. He really shouldn’t be standing outside this house. But the temptation had been too great. Visiting his sister, just down the street… He knocks before his nerve leaves or his senses return. There’s a moment after his knuckles cease their rapping that he considers running but he’s tall and it’s not _that_ dark and his hair is recognizable from space according to… everyone.

No answer. But the lights are on. Maybe he didn’t knock loud enough? Maybe he should take it as a sign. Walk away now, not make life any harder for either of them.

He’s fucking selfish and knocks again, louder.

This time he hears something, a muffled curse mixed with a sigh, and now there are footsteps coming towards the door and his heart hammers because what if it’s _him_?

A second later he hears a voice he hasn’t heard for _years_ and it washes over him and oh god what the hell is he even going to say? The door begins to open and his heart is in his throat.

“It’s probably just the delivery guy. No… I know right? Just leave it at the door and—“  Daichi stops talking to whoever is on the other end of his cell, his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide.“I gotta go,” he says into the mouthpiece. There’s a sound of protest from whoever he’s talking to, but Daichi ends the call, never taking his eyes off Kuroo. Softly, as though afraid to speak louder than a whisper, Daichi says, “Kuroo… what are you doing here?”

It takes a minute for Kuroo to remember how to talk because he’s standing in front of _Daichi_. He never thought he’d see him again… at least in person. Because he sees him every night. Every time he closes his eyes, he’s there.

“Hey, uh,” he stops because he doesn’t know what to call him. Certainly not Daichi. But he doesn’t know if he kept his last name or took… He clears his throat to cover his lameness and goes with, “Hey you, I was… well actually in the neighborhood.” He points towards his sister’s house.

When he looks back at Daichi, his face still holds shock but something else he can’t discern has joined it.

It disappears, maybe wasn’t really there and it’s just Kuroo being Kuroo, but he smiles shakily and oh god it’s not _fair_ how warm that makes Kuroo feel.

“Uh, right… um, oh! Sorry, it’s freezing out and I’m just leaving you on the doorstep. Come in,” Daichi says, stepping back to give Kuroo room to enter.

Kuroo hesitates just a second but he can’t stop himself, he has to see the place Daichi calls home. So he crosses the threshold into a softly lit entryway.

It’s a beautiful home, really. Soft tan on the walls adorned with beautiful pieces of art, some drawn, some photos but all in muted tones. There’s nothing gregarious or bright but that’s not a bad thing. Kuroo feels warmth as he walks further in. The couch looks comfy, plush cushions inviting people to take a seat and relax. But he won’t relax, he’s sure. Not when Daichi’s voice is still speaking, not when Daichi’s scent invades his nose—does he still wear the same cologne?

Beyond the living room, he catches a glimpse of the kitchen, the fridge jutting out just slightly into view. On the counter beyond it is a portable burner plate and he notices the cabinets look freshly painted.

“So you home for a while or just passing through?” Daichi asks, taking a seat. He gestures for Kuroo to do so as well and he does; the couch is just as comfortable as it looks.

“An extended stay but we’ll be on the road again in a couple months,” Kuroo answers with a shrug, as though tearing himself away from here won’t feel like ripping out a part of his heart all over again. He really shouldn’t have seen Daichi.

“How’s life on the road? I’ll bet you meet all kinds of people.” Daichi’s tone is surprisingly light while Kuroo feels every syllable he pushes past his lips, has to mold them into the words he should speak rather than the ones he wants to.

Kuroo forces a smile; “Uh yeah, some wild characters here and there but overall nice folks. Good fans.” _No one like you._

Daichi nods. “Any favorite places?”

Kuroo considers then says, “Rome was pretty amazing. I still can’t believe we got to do that.” _I’d love to take you there someday._

 _“_ What made it special?”

This is… so terrible. Daichi is trying so hard, Kuroo can see it. He’s trying to be interested, trying to put Kuroo at ease when both of them know it’s not possible for either of them to be. There's too much hurt, too much history. Too much baggage that neither is ready nor should open because Daichi is married and--

“Uh, nothing really. It was just cool. I guess maybe because it was our first big break that took us outta the country,” Kuroo says. It’s the closest thing to the truth he supposes.

Before Daichi can ask another question that makes Kuroo feel like he’s on an awkwardly bad interview, Kuroo says, “Enough about me, how about you? How’s work and… everything?” He shrugs pathetically.

Daichi won’t look at him as silence descends, a heavy, thick and crushing thing.

“Everything is fine,” he says quietly, rising to his feet; “Excuse me a moment.” He walks down the hall, leaving Kuroo in the living room.

Kuroo isn’t sure what to do. Clearly everything is _not_ fine but he disappeared from Daichi’s life for years and now he’s suddenly here and what the actual fuck did he expect to happen doing this?

He should leave.

Instead, he gets up and follows the path Daichi walked, hearing sniffling as he nears the bathroom. The door is cracked and Kuroo can see in the reflection of the mirror Daichi’s face scrunched in pain, misery rolling off his shoulders as they shake with the effort to control himself.

Kuroo is an asshole. A selfish, idiotic asshole who should have just stayed away but he’s here now and he just can’t leave Daichi like this but what can he say? What can he _do_?

Before he decides anything, Daichi looks up from splashing water on his face and flinches when he catches Kuroo standing in the hall watching him.

He whirls around, face still dripping and anger bleeding into his expression, his voice thick with emotion as he says, “What the hell Kuroo? Go back to the living room! Actually, no… just leave. I… I can’t…” His voice breaks, a sob choking off his words as his hands cover his face.

Kuroo’s heart breaks all over again—assuming it had ever fully healed. “Daichi,” he says quietly and it just makes the other man cry harder.

“Why? Why did you write that song?”

Kuroo’s breath catches, his eyes going wide.

Daichi still won’t look at him. “I hear… I hear it everywhere I go. It’s… I can’t get away from it…”

This hurts, it hurts so bad.

Daichi’s shaking, the dam is cracking. Kuroo doesn’t think, he just moves, wrapping his arms around those broad shoulders and squeezing.

“I’m sorry,” Kuroo whispers brokenly into Daichi’s hair.

It takes a moment, then Daichi’s arms are around Kuroo’s waist and his face is buried in the crook of his neck and he’s openly sobbing, his fingers gripping the back of Kuroo’s shirt so hard the neckline presses against his throat.

“No… no. I… I’m sorry. It’s my fault… everything… all of it… my fault…”

Kuroo frowns, moving to try to look at Daichi’s face but the man clings tighter, shaking his head violently; “No! Please don’t—”

“I’m not leaving,” Kuroo soothes, one hand rubbing Daichi’s back. “Just… take a deep breath.” Kuroo demonstrates, inhale… exhale… deep, slow… and Daichi follows, taking in a deep breath before slowly letting it out.

“What do you mean it’s your fault?” Kuroo asks.

“It’s my fault for lying. I lied to everyone and it cost me everything.”

“Daichi please… what are you talking about?” Kuroo asks, his eyes filling with tears. Daichi shakes his head, tries pulling away but Kuroo holds him, begging, “Tell me. Please.”

Daichi tries to pull away again and this time Kuroo lets him, feeling as though a piece of his own body is being ripped off of him. Daichi turns to the sink, opens the taps and washes his face, blows his nose then washes again.

Kuroo still doesn’t leave.

When Daichi speaks again, his voice quakes but the words are clear, “We were here… watching when you… first debuted it.”

Kuroo’s breath catches in his throat.

“He knew then, that I’d lied. And it… it broke us.” Daichi huffs, a mirthless bitter sound; “It’s doubtful we were really all that solid to begin with but I just ignored it. Ignored the signs and the flags and just… selfishly clung to the belief that if I told myself something long enough, it might become true.”

“That what would be true?” Kuroo asks, breathless.

Daichi looks up, red tinted eyes meeting Kuroo’s. “That I could love him more than you. That I could ever for one moment _stop_ loving you.”

Tears flood Kuroo’s eyes, falling before he can control them. “You… you loved me?” he asks, broken and confused.

Daichi nods. “And I did love him, I really did. And a part of me still does but… not all of me. And that’s not fair to him. Because he felt it, the whole time. And once he knew the truth… I’m not surprised he left.”

“He left? When?”

“The day he found out I lied about you loving me. The day you played that song for the first time.”

Kuroo’s head spins. That was… _months_ ago. And what is he talking about? Daichi lied about Kuroo…

“I don’t understand. You—“

“I told him I chose him because you didn’t love me! That, yes we had… a thing for each other but it wasn’t serious enough for you to stay! He thought you chose music over me and he… he loved me through it. Gave everything he had to prove himself and I let him!”

“Wha… why?! Why would you do that?” Kuroo shouts, anger flooding his gut.

“Because I wouldn’t be the reason you gave up on your dream! You were… fuck, Kuroo you had the whole world waiting for you and you couldn’t wait for it and—”

“You think I wanted that more than you?”

“No! I knew you’d pass on everything if I told you I couldn’t come with you. Because you’re selfless!”

Kuroo blinks, tears sliding down reddened cheeks and his chest tight and oh god he really needs to sit down. He stumbles back, hitting the wall and sliding to the ground as his knees give out. “This… whole time… this whole fucking time… you…”

He can’t process it, can’t understand. Well, he _does_ but he doesn’t agree, is so angry and hurt but he’s also confused because he’s so happy, almost painfully so because there’s just a chance that maybe… “Do you still love me?”

Daichi’s kneeling before him and it’s only then Kuroo notices his hand is on his forehead, concern apparent on his face. He stops, mouth opening and closing and time stands still in the very tiny room as Kuroo waits with bated breath to hear something he’s been dreaming about for years.

“I… yes,” Daichi admits softly.

Kuroo smiles through his tears, reaches up to try to cup Daichi’s face—still beautiful despite his red eyes and blotchy cheeks—but Daichi flinches away. “Don’t,” he says quietly, “don’t be tender and sweet and… just don’t.”

“But I don’t know how else to be! The man I love just admitted he loves me too! Shouldn’t we be kissing now?” Kuroo asks, desperate and needful.

“I don’t… I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you after everything I’ve done.”

Kuroo gets angry then, pulling Daichi’s averted face to look right into his own. “Stop being a martyr! Ok, yes! What you did wasn’t great, maybe it was wrong, but damn it Daichi! You were doing what you thought best for both of us!

“I want to hate you for all the bottles of alcohol I drank and threw up trying to forget you! I want to smack you for all the tears I’ve cried that I didn’t have to! I want to scream in fury knowing I could have had you if I’d been smart enough to see through your lies. But I can’t! All I can do is the same thing I’ve been doing since we said goodbye and that’s love you! I love you, so please…” He draws closer, breathing hard; “Please let me love you.”

Daichi’s hands cover his and they feel warm and just a little bit calloused and his eyes are so beautiful even swimming in tears and—

“Ok. Please… please love me. Please forgive me,” Daichi whispers.

Kuroo nuzzles their noses together, relief washing over him as he finally presses his lips to the ones he’s dreamed about every night. He feels a shiver course over Daichi, the little moan he gives enticing him to more. His arm wraps around Daichi’s waist, pulling him forward until the only option Daichi has is to sit in Kuroo’s lap.

Kuroo tilts his head further, teases the seam of Daichi’s mouth with his tongue and he opens to him, moaning a little louder as the kiss deepens. When Daichi’s fingers sink into his hair, Kuroo passes the moan back.

They sit there on the tile floor, kissing until they can’t breathe properly. Daichi rests his forehead against Kuroo’s, fingers still threaded through his hair. “Stay with me, tonight?”

Kuroo trembles, anticipation rolling in his gut. He forces his eyes open, takes in the sight of a flushed and gorgeously kiss dazed Daichi. “I’ll stay with you always.”


End file.
